Going through a divorce is challenging under almost any circumstance, but that’s especially true when there are children involved and you and your spouse can best be described as in a “high-conflict” situation.
Custody exchanges, in particular, can be emotionally charged. What can you do to de-escalate the tensions when you’re transferring the kids between households? Here are some tips:
1. Establish some ground rules
Clear and detailed preliminary custody agreements, even before the divorce is final, can help minimize the kind of minor misunderstandings that escalate into full-on verbal warfare. Make sure you have a written agreement that specifics the times, locations and procedures for exchanges.
2. Consider a neutral exchange point
You have to prioritize your safety during high-conflict custody exchanges. Pick an exchange point that is public and away from your own home, especially if your ex is holding a grudge about not being in the family home right now. If you really feel unsafe, choose a Florida location on the national “safe trade” list that will put you in full view of the authorities during exchanges.
3. Take someone with you
People tend to be on their best (or better) behavior when there are witnesses involved. If you have a level-headed friend or a relative who can keep their cool in tense situations, their presence may be enough to deter any serious problems.
4. Don’t rise to the bait
Finally, you have to firmly put yourself in check during exchanges, especially if you think your spouse is trying to provoke a fight. When you’re in a custody battle, you don’t want to give them any ammunition to use against you, so refuse to engage – no matter how provocative they become. Tell them to put whatever they have to say in writing so that you can respond later.
If you’re in a high-conflict custody case, you need to learn everything you can about protecting your interests – and your relationship with your children. Legal guidance is wise.