Divorce is genuinely difficult for teenagers. They are old enough to understand the situation, yet they’re still developing the emotional tools to process it.
And while they may insist outwardly that they’re “fine, whatever” or even “okay, thanks for asking,” chances are that if you’re going to be divorcing soon, your teen is going to feel this transition down to their bones. As such, preparing your teen for your divorce requires honesty, reassurance and a truly thoughtful approach.
Time, setting, messaging
Timing is going to be important when it comes to sharing the news. Choose a moment when your teen is calm, and there are no distractions. Avoid telling them right before a big exam, social event or other significant occasion. A private setting, where they feel comfortable expressing their emotions, is ideal. If possible, both parents should be present for the conversation. This can help to demonstrate a united front and reassure your teen that both parents will continue to support them.
Teenagers appreciate honesty, but they do not need to know every detail of why the marriage is ending. Avoid blaming or speaking negatively about the other parent. Instead, focus on what will change and what will stay the same. Explain living arrangements, parenting time schedules and any other key details that will affect their daily life. Let them know that your decision was made carefully and is final. Teens may hold out hope that their parents will reconcile, so it’s important to be clear that the divorce is not temporary.
Other key considerations
Teens often experience a range of emotions when faced with their parents’ divorce, including sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief. Encourage them to express their feelings and reassure them that their emotions are valid. Some teens may withdraw rather than openly share, so keeping communication open and checking in regularly is going to be important.
It’s also important to remind them that the divorce is not their fault. Many teens internalize blame, thinking they could have done something to prevent the separation. Reassuring them that this is an adult decision unrelated to their actions can ease their guilt, even if they don’t realize they’re experiencing it.